Survivor: Monstorum Island

I really, really hate reality shows. They are so not real. A true reality show would be to set people up and not let them know they are being filmed. No little confessional booths or anything. Just a bunch of idiots put in a weird situation and left to their own devices.

This short story is my idea of how some dumb 18 year old kids would deal with something way beyond the norm. Like Generation Kill. Only not as good.


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Survivor: Monstorum Island

Day 1
The studio people dropped us off on this supposed “Monster Island”. What a stupid name. They have some wicked big lobsters we’re catching off shore but I wouldn’t call them monsters. We started setting up camp along the beach to make use of the ocean for food and stuff and a little ways away, a small river comes out of the jungle and drops into the bay. So we have an easy to get water too. This seems really cool. Nothing like the other seasons of the show I’ve seen. Yo. Some of that shit looked difficult as hell!
You know what else is weird? There are no camera people with us. They just set up a bunch of cameras around an shit and they just left in the helicopter back to the boat. Hey I just realized. There’s no host here either dude. No one to give us stupid challenges or make us eat weird shit or nothing.
This is definitely paradise!

Day 2
A beautiful day! The sky is blue, the breeze through the island is sweet and you would not believe the chicks they put on the show! Wow dog! Everyone so far seems to get along. This is tight!
My only problem is the jungle is a little loud at night. Must be some boars or something out there making all the grumbling I heard. I wish they’d just shut up or maybe we can kill them and eat them or something.
Today we are going to go base jumping and do some swimming in the bay. Did I mention how hot the girls are?

Day 3
Oh my god! WTF!!! I just I saw a giant turtle come out of the ocean and eat our food. It must have been a hundred feet long! I am not fuckin around! It was huge! This is nuts dog! I didn’t know turtles could get that big! Janie says they can grow pretty big. Something about they never stop growing and they can live to be like two hundred years old. I guess I believe her. She said she saw a show on the Discovery Channel about it, she’s the expert. Course it doesn’t hurt that she is smoking hot too!
By the way, our new camp in the jungle is great! No one feels good sleeping on the beach tonight with the giant turtle. That was crazy.
Anyway, I think at the bonfire we make tonight I will cut back on how much I drink. You know, just in case.

Day 4
We can’t find Janie. Or Derek and Joey. This ain’t cool. I hope they aren’t passed out in the jungle after having a threeway or something. Just my luck bro. The chick I’m workin on is into some other dude. Or dudes. Whatever man.
Well, we were going to see if we could catch some more fish today but all our nets and stuff are either broken or missing. This is bullshit. I wish drunk mother fuckers knew how to act in a social type situation. They make us all look bad.
Man, Kyle is such a klutz! I went to check on him this morning and all I found in his tent was some broken glass from a bottle and a bunch of blood. He musta got drunk last night and cut his hand on his bottle and wandered out looking for a bandage. What an pussy!
Oh yeah! I got woken up last night because a tree fell in the jungle. I guess if it falls and no one is there to hear it, it still makes noise cuz I heard it man! Deb and Brittney went to go check it out. It must have been awesome cuz they ain’t back yet. I was gonna go but I think I drank too much and my head is spinning dog!

Day 5
Dude! We found Deb and Brittney. I think they’re dead! Their heads were off and everything. And Amber said she saw Kyle laying out in the jungle. Well, not Kyle but his arm. She said it was definitely him cuz he was wearing the friendship bracelet she gave him after he went down on her after dinner the other day. This is whack yo.
We all heard a loud roar from the jungle too. It was like a lion or something. This is messed up son! Get me the hell out of here!

Day 6
Whatever that thing was in the jungle yesterday, came out last night and stomped through our camp. Zoey and Amber got stepped on, that was gross yo! And I think it only ate half of Miguel cuz there were parts of him EVERYWHERE when I woke up this morning. That giant lizard fucker tore this place up dog! It probably would have got me too bro if that badass gorilla hadn’t come out of the trees and tackled it. They rolled around and that big ass gorilla started ground’n and pound’n his lizard ass!
The rest of the guys took off when they saw that shit but it was kinda cool so I stuck around and watched it. Thatt monkey mother fucker started choking that lizard dude and his eyes were buggin out! It was tight yo. Then I heard everybody scream from the jungle and I saw some trees fallin down around them. Whatever was in there, I was glad I was out here watchin that brawl for damn sure.

Day 7
I think I learned alot about myself on this show. I learned that life is too fuckin short and if there’s a chick you’re into, you should bust a move before you lose her. Either to some other dude or a giant monster or some shit.
I think I’m the only one left since no one came out of the jungle last night or today. So I’m gonna try and find that turtle and see if I can get a ride out to the boat. Later dudes. PEACE!