Raider Fleen goes to the Brothel

I wrote this a couple years ago (time flies), and forgot about it until something someone said reminded me.
It's drenched in scifi references for an obscure online game, so a bit might be hard to understand, but hopefully you get the gist.

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So I'm at the Brothel with Travis and we're having trouble getting in. Something about tracking blood on the rug, I wasn't really paying attention.

It had been a long night camping that belt. On my honor, we lost about seventeen battleships to that Demon From Hell in a Prophecy. It was weird, everytime a new ship warped in to assist me and Travis, that damned ship would only target them. He left us alone like we were dirt. Like we were scum.
Hence why we are the brothel. We needed to unwind and get our head screwed on straight. Along with some other parts...

Travis started distracting the madame with some isk as I snuck by to get to the auction room.
I was so anxious to get some, it had been a while, that I almost forgot to clean myself off. I slipped into a restroom and went to the sink to wipe off all the blood from the Docking Blood Ritual and put the warm entrails in a cargo pocket. I will never understand women. A little blood, a few innards and they FA-REEK out! Chicks man....

I entered the auction room and there were about one hundred and eighty of the hottest chicks I have ever seen in Delve. Blondes, brunettes, and thankfully no Minmatar to wreck the effect.

It reminded me of a joke old Lt Blorg once told me. He was about fourteen and he wanted a pet so he asked his Blood Spawner for 3 isk to buy a Khanid pig. His Blood Spawner says here's 4 isk, go get yourself a Minmatar whore. Ah Blorg, I will always remember you. The way you burped after every Blood Ritual, the way you could tell a newb warped into an asteroid belt, the way you screamed as your ship was torn assunder. Good times....

I picked out a really nice Caldari whore and we moved off down the hallway toward a luxury room. Well, as luxurious as I could afford on a Blood Raider Lt pay anyways.
She started to undress and I tore off my clothes so quickly, an eyeball fell out of my pocket and slowly rolled towards her. Her dress was over her head so she didn't notice it so I leaped awkwardly with my flightsuit still tangled around my ankles and landed next to it, covering the precious eyeball with my toes.

There was a pounding on the door and it sounded like Travis yelling about danger. But I came prepared. I had a half dozen flightsuits for my little pilot and I was ready for any errant disease this Caldari whore undoubtedly had.
Then the pros turned to me and realizing I was standing so close, pushed me back onto the bed. My left big toe flicked the succulent eyeball and it wobbled quickly under a table out of sight of the assuredly "I'm-uneasy-with-the-sight-of-blood" tramp.

There was some more banging on the door and it sounded like Travis was getting more urgent. Maybe he was being kicked out? Something about a lock? Of course the door was locked, I had paid for my 15 minutes of heaven and I was planning on using at least 4 of them.
I tried to block him out and the pros turned on a soundbox, recieving music from somewhere in the system. All I know is I was happy it wasn't a freakin' Amarrian transmission. Only so much of that chanting shit and it could really drive a sane Bloodspiller nuts.

The pros started out on my little Blood Raider and I was reeling, it felt so good. But then I realized the room was tilting and it was'nt her doing. I heard a yelp through the noise of the soundbox and heard Travis fall outside the room. The pros never stopped. I'll tell ya what, they get a bad rap but them Caldari whores are real professional.

The room violently tilted then and she was thrown off me and onto the floor. The soundbox squawked as it hit the floor and broke, silencing the music and making Travis' shouts clear.

"There's a ship attacking the brothel! He's bombarding it with laser fire! We have just a few minutes to clear out Fleen!"
Frakin' do-gooders! Why can't a den of delights be left in peace?
I figured if we had a few minutes, I'd have time to finish up.
Another explosion could be heard coming from somewhere above us and the room shook and tilted again.
Unfortunately, this dislodged the eyeball I dropped and it rolled right at her face.
Trying to steady herself, she turned her head, saw the eye and screamed.
A series of explosions started to break the brothel.
I quickly prayed to the Blood God, timed my leap and threw myself in the air to land on the pros.
The eyeball rolled right into her mouth.
Her skirt flew up as she bucked.
I plunged down face first into her crotch.
The door burst open and Travis fell in.
I lifted my head and noticed the prostitute had a little pilot of her own down there and I was eye to eye with it.
"Duuude...." Travis sounded queasy.
Then everything went white as, thankfully, the brothel exploded.

Raider Fleen
Blood Raiders of Delve